Two things about our language occurred to me today:
Significant Other: It means spouse, or close partner. But inflection-wise that “other” is pretty harsh, no? Especially in comparison to the significance of “significant.”
Leap of Faith: Another largely positive connotation, but the word “leap” doesn’t get enough notice here. If you leap you could indeed fall. Where is “fall of faith” in our language?
That’s all for today.
Sincerely,
Laremy
LL: I rarely post sports thoughts, though it’s a world I follow closely.
However, something happened last night which compels a bit of reaction. Lebron James, basketball player, signed with the Miami Heat instead of his hometown Cleveland Cavs. Happens all the time, but then THIS happened:
Open Letter to Fans from Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.
LL: I don’t know that he “deserted” the team. He was a free agent. He signed somewhere else for $30m less because he thought the team you run wasn’t good enough. Where he grew up isn’t especially germane, people move to other cities for better jobs all the time.
Also, why was he your hero for throwing a round ball into a cylindrical hoop? This is an athlete, paid for his physical gifts, not a guy tasked with anything other than entertainment. You need better heroes. I would suggest Spider-Man. He won’t desert you.
This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.
LL: True, but his “decision” was an actual decision, and thus doesn’t deserve to quoted as if it might not be real. It was narcissistic, self-promotional, and overhyped… which is THE EXACT industry you are in, and the EXACT thing you did with this man for seven years. If he’d said “I’m staying with the CAVS!!” how does the equation go from narcissistic back to hero status? The whole thing was a spectacle, but that’s what entertainment is.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
LL: Yes, I would assume so.
The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
LL: Well, if you charge the same amount for season tickets next year I will consider that a betrayal. Sorry, that’s just how I roll. I like my organizations to be loyal.
Also, you run a business. People buy tickets and merchandise. Your job is to put the best product on the court. You have now officially failed at this. How about an apology for not being good at your job? I don’t count on you for anything more than putting a good team out there, so how could you betray me? We have no relationship. You run a the equivalent of a circus, and your best lion tamer just left the ring. That’s your problem, fault, and responsibility.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
LL: I don’t believe your future is more than exciting. Exciting is probably the maximum of what it can be, unless you guys start building bridges or curing cancer. But I DO look forward to more comic sans communications.
You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
LL: Well, what people do and don’t deserve is pretty subjective. I mean, what if I’m a person in prison for killing children reading this missive? Do I then deserve a smidge of betrayal? Maybe just wee bit o’ betrayal?
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
LL: Are we talking about money here? Because yes, Cavs fans have given their hard-earned cash to you. I would agree they deserve more from you, the guy in charge. Your franchise is now worth $100m more than when you purchased it. How about a rebate to all the fans with a portion of that cash because you failed in your ownership capacity? How did this guy ever get to be a free agent? How much talent did you squander while the prime of his career passed before his eyes?
Lebron made a decision to 1) Try and win 2) Take less money to do so and 3) Play with friends. None of that, on the face of it, is terrible logic. In fact, in today’s cash obsessed culture it’s a bit… um… gulp… admirable?
In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:
“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”
You can take it to the bank.
LL: Well, no, I can’t take it to the bank. The bank doesn’t accept hollow promises as proof of currency. The bank will probably call the cops if I attempt to deposit this statement at a conveniently located ATM. Additionally, when you write in all CAPS it feel like the ramblings of a drunken maniac. Which is fine, so long as you admit it up front.
Also, empirically speaking, a team with three all-stars is ahead of a team that just lost one. And you can take that to the donut shop!
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
LL: I like that you quoted “motivation” because I would agree that this is a nonsense illogical usage of the word. And yes, you should have been motivated before. Why did it take someone leaving to kick your motivation up? Perhaps you could have simulated, in your mind, someone leaving to get that extra last bit of “motivation”?
And what sort of NEVER EXPERIENCED LEVELS are we talking about here? Will you begin taking out contracts on opposing players lives? Because that’s illegal, though I don’t believe it’s ever been experienced, so you’d have me on logic points there.
Lastly, he didn’t defect during war. He took less money, which would indicate a level of selflessness. He averages eight assists a game, which indicates he values his teammates. You know who should be the most upset? His previous Cavs teammates. They had a personal relationship. They might have had different expectations.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.
Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.
LL: This is now verging into insane territory. Is Miami “heaven” in this equation? Having been there I can tell you it’s way too hot to be considered heaven. I mean, it’s a fine city and all, but I don’t know where Not Dying and Heaven came into play when a fella decided to sign a contract elsewhere as was his free market right.
This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.
LL: Well, I want my children to win. And I really want them to realize, after seven years in a place, when an organization isn’t going to cut it. I want them to form deep friendships with talented peers. And I still have no idea why “who” is quoted here. You really have a difficult relationship with quotes.
But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.
LL: I do not believe it will be an antidote, no. I believe losing a good player will hurt your team overall. This belief is built upon watching teams play with good players and then watching the same teams play without good players.
The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
LL: Karma doesn’t control the NBA. Talent does. No team has ever won because of the “loyalty” quotient, which is not a real thing, and isn’t measurable. Passing is important. Playing good D is a plus. But no one is an angel here. They are all grown men with grown men issues playing a sport for an unreasonable amount of cash that the market seemingly will support. The only previous curse was bad management. And he evidently broke that one when he signed with a team that knows how to recruit talented players to their ranks.
Just watch.
LL: Okay, I will.
Sleep well, Cleveland.
LL: Thanks, Dad! Will you get me a glass of water?
Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….
LL: Well, it IS a Friday, so that’s a positive.
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….
LL: If only you’d made and fulfilled this promise when Lebron was under contract!! I bet he woulda stayed!
Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers
LL: Dan, do better at your job. Admit when you’ve made a mistake (like allowing him to hit the open market) and quit making empty promises to a disillusioned populace. You’re better than this. Lebron made a logical decision, though one that clearly is tough to swallow emotionally, and the whole process was discussed ad infinitum. This made the results seem relatively awful, agreed. But you’ve got to be a professional, as you’re in a position of power. Handle your business, quit lashing out, and pick a new font. Your city needs you, now more than ever.
It grates on me every single time I see a commercial for The Espys, after all these years. You think I’d be numb to it by now, but no, my furor is ignited each and every time I see the network plugging the sham event.
Why? Because the Espys make no logical sense and shouldn’t exist.
Consider:
Awards are an attempt to place value. For the arts, which are subjective, they are a subjective measurement of exceptional achievement. It’s a logical thing though, even if you disagree, even if it’s political, because you can logically and subjectively award that which can’t be objectively measured. In fact, you should, so that there is something to aspire to.
Now then.
The ESPYs are a subjective measurement of things ALREADY DECIDED OBJECTIVELY. Sports stars get awarded through championships. The “best” team gets a ring and a trophy at the end of the season* Observationally, no one can possibly care about an Espy during game seven. They are an afterthought. Similarly filmmakers will claim they could care less about awards, but when they get an October/November release for a drama everyone knows the deal, and they sure as hell start to feel it then.
*Note: small sample size in MLB means the lesser team will occasionally win. Same with The World Cup, The Super Bowl, blah blah. But you at least get a chance to win the whole kaboodle if you’ve proven your merit throughout the season.
The closest thing to an Academy Award in the sports world, logically, is the MVP. That’s a subjective look at a debatable topic using objective metrics, but the final decision is voted upon and subjective. In some ways you could apply metrics to a Best Picture winner too (box office, nominations, RT%, IMDB score), but it usually comes down to the narrative for The Academy, which I have no complaint with. The Best Picture doesn’t always go to the actual best picture, but that’s only because there isn’t such a thing as “best” in a subjective world.
But The ESPYs defy all logic because they throw a subjective value on top of an objective factual happening (Lakers title), an unneeded and completely idiotic idea. We can’t compare Lebron James to Drew Brees, even subjectively, anymore than we can compare The Hurt Locker to the new Jay-Z album. They aren’t the same thing, and they defy even the most basic attempt at subjective comparison.
The formula is this:
Objectively measuring things which can be quantified = logical, smart, needed.
Subjectively measuring things which are unquantifiable = interesting, compelling, needed.
Subjectively measuring things which are already measured objectively = pointless, frustrating, illogical.
“Objectively” measuring things which are unquantifiable = every Internet debate ever.
Anyway. I hate The Espys. Make them stop. They aren’t relevant, no one cares if they win or lose, and they are illogical. It’s just wasted motion.
